Sunday, September 5, 2010

This is Why Your Band Sucks IV





A monthly column of advice and things I witness over and over again from bands being naïve and just plain stupid. You can read the first 2 columns here and here

I really thought I was done with III and I know it’s painful and irritating for a handful of you. So for the few of you that hate it, please enjoy.

… Because you never respond to emails or myspace messages

Why not respond to a band’s email asking if you’d like to play a show with them? The show is set up and all you need to do is respond with a simple yes or no. Super hard. Well maybe it is. Maybe no one in your band is given the task to respond to emails. If there are 4 of you in a band, maybe designate jobs. One person does the emails, one does the myspace/facebook shit, and the other one does the twitter crap. The other person is usually the drummer and they do nothing except have a strong opinion and make things really really difficult for you and your music. Just kidding. (sort of)


…Because you feel the need to talk in between each song during your set.

I don’t care about the names of your songs, unless it has some really amazing story relevant to your set. I don’t care that it’s an old song or a new song or that you wrote it last night. I don’t care to hear your inside jokes on stage. Please just play your set. I am sorry. It sounds a bit harsh to say. I know there are certain situations where it’s okay to talk in between songs and sometimes it’s endearing. PLEASE (!!!) less talk more rock.

…Because you never tip your bartender.

If you get free drinks you should definitely tip your bartender, but you should tip regardless when on tour. They know who you are and sometimes they are the owner of the venue and maybe he might use some of that tip money to buy your merch.

…Because all of your songs live are one volume … LOUD.

I know I promised myself I would never trash a band’s music on this column, but DYNAMICS! They are amazingly interesting. I can’t think of a single popular band that doesn’t get loud at some points and quiet at others. Even if you are the loudest black metal band you use dynamics to make your music interesting. Sometimes you could have breaks in the song to keep the listener on their toes. I can’t believe how many bands I have seen in the last 3 months that had really loud powerful rock songs, yet bored me to death. I mean for this to be nice: PLEASE!!!!

… You can’t wait to blow up.

Really? Dreams are what happen at night in your bed. Stop playing New York City, no one gives a shit about you there. Go back to Germany.

3 comments:

Eric said...

HAHAHAHAHA

Steven said...

because you spend half your day uploading shitty videos of your band on youtube and tagging them with your "influences"

Web said...

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